Helping the Bereaved: What can you do? The loss of a loved one by suicide is often shocking, painful and unexpected. The grief that follows can be intense, complex and long term. Grief is an extremely individual and unique process. The following are some suggestions for those who wish to support and help the bereaved; “Do List” Give them time, love and understanding. Actively listen without judgment, criticism or prejudice. Remember that individuals grieve in their own way, in their own time frame. Give them the space they need to grieve, and don’t try to rush them. Encourage them to talk about what they are feeling or thinking, and to express their grief. Offer ideas and not advice. Let them decide what they want to do and when Help them through the guilt feelings that may arise for taking care of themselves – remind them to get a lot of sleep, eat regularly, drink plenty of water and to exercise. Those bereaved are often ‘hyper vigilant’ – afraid to lose someone else. Help them to understand that these feelings are natural. Assure them that they are not alone in watching out for their loved one. Encourage them to go for counselling or seek a support group as being with people who have experienced a similar loss can be very supportive. “Don’t List” Don’t assume you know best or how they are feeling Don’t make comparisons to your own losses. Don’t tell them how they should feel or try to change their feelings. Feelings are unique to each individual. There is no such thing as a good or bad feeling – they are just feelings and we all have them. Don’t tell them this is God’s will or preach to them. They will draw strength from their own faith, if that is important to them. Don’t give them your pills or personal medication Don’t change the subject if they want to talk about their loved one. Don’t take over their responsibilities unless they ask you do so. Don’t stop visiting or phoning them. Don’t alter their loved one’s room or belongings. They can do that in their own time, and they may consider making such changes to be their own special project Don’t point out the fact that they have other children, if they lost a child. Each individual and each relationship is unique. Don’t add to their feelings of grief and guilt by pointing out things that could have been done differently.